“Been there, done that.”

September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011



Fought so hard for his life.
The way he breathe, it took him so much strength.
His heartbeat was beating so fast even though he was resting.
For his heart couldn't function like normal human being.
Occasionally he opened his eyes, but not for long.
He would still move slightly, but when you held his hand, he couln't hold back.
I wanted him to wake up and said: It's all just an act.
But I know it will not happen the way I want to.
I witnessed his last breath, and there he went, away to somewhere I believe that he will be a healthy and happy man again.
Yes, my dearest Dad passed away 3 weeks ago on 6 April 2011, just 2 days after his birthday.

I miss him, I miss my Dad so dearly.
I couldn't help but to feel bad, awfully bad.
He always said he want to go to Zoo and Night Safari for it had been long since he last visited this two places.
I told him, I will bring him someday.
But I didn't get the chance.
When he was in the hospital, he said: 等我好了,我们去坐 cruise.
But no, he didn't recover >: and we didn't take it together.

I've got my driving license, but I've yet to drive him around.
I've gradautated from my tertiary studies, but he couldn't attend my graduation ceremony.
There are so many things I've yet to do with him. And now I don't have a chance to do so anymore.
I gave him a hug, but I didn't receive it back fo he didn't have to strength.
I really wanted to get a hug from him, I want to feel it! >:
Life doesn't give us second chance.
I remembered I help his hand tightly during his last hospital stay, he held back tightly.
I could feel his fear through it. :/

So hard to not think too much, so hard. Almost near impossible to ask me not to think too much.
Been wiping for the past 3 weeks.
Whenever I think about him, looking at his pictures, thinking of how much he struggled when he was here, tears would automatically well up in my eyes.
Just like today, when I was walking to the supermarket nearest to my house, I thought of him.
He was already ill then, but he went out to get groceries, the weight of those was pretty heavy.
Although the walk is short, but he had to take a lot of strength to walk a few steps.
For every few steps he took, it would leave him slightly breatheless; he was physically weak.
When he reached home, I opened the door, I saw those groceries and his face; the tired look, yet he smiled.
I almost broke down crying.
He wanted to live so badly, he wanted to feel like a normal capable human being.
It was really a huge impact when mom told him that he only had 3 months left.
It wasn't even 3 months, it was just a mere week.
Just 1 week, his conditions deteriorated so fast that no one was prepared for anything.
I wasn't prepare to let him go, even when he was in the coffin, I still couldn't believe that he was in there.

But it all had happened. What can I do?
Still feeling very upset over it. But I know I will be fine, soon, pretty soon I hope.
Time will heal the wound; the heartache.
Been keeping myself slightly busy by doing cross stitching. It really kills loads of time.

♥♥♥ Dad, you'll always be close to my heart. You'll always be there on my mind in whatever I do.
I miss you dearly.
Rest in peace Dad.
I love you.