“Been there, done that.”

September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011

Am always telling myself to break free from the emotions.Break free from those breakdowns.Telling myself yeah, time will heal this wound.But you know what? It's not working.Although I may look strong and tough, always laughing, giggling and talking craps, it still very much hurt me deep inside.Whenever I think about Dad, I would cry no matter where I am.Every single night I will think about him, and yes, I would cry 99% of the time.Those flash backs. Those times when he was at the hospital, those times when he said he wanna go home very badly.Those times when he was afraid to sleep.Those times when he would gasp for air forcefully.Those times when he cried saying why he won't recover.Those times when he held my hand so tightly.I wasn't prepared for things to change so fast.I thought my life was great.A complete family, my parents rarely quarreled or rather, I've never seen them shouting or scolding each other before.But things took a drastic change.Within a short span of a year, diagnosis was made and my dad was gone.I can't believe it and I don't want to believe what happened. But I can't, cos it already did.I can't believe it was the last CNY I had with him. His last birthday celebration.I remembered I want to take a picture on his birthday. But things went downhill so fast that I didn't have the time:(I should have pass him the birthday card a few hrs earlier but I didn't. He didn't get to see the card himself. But I hope he heard what was it inside as my aunt read it to him.I miss you so so extremely much Dad. I'll study hard and make you proud no matter what. Always my number 1!Father's Day is coming. Wish I could celebrate it with him. Everybody, give your Dad a hug and say I love you to him. It'll definitely mean the world to him.